Season 1

1997-09-25

When Ted moves to Whispering Pines Retirement Village, he discovers life in the slow lane is very hectic. He's stalked by the village glamour queen, has a fight over his famous chair and finds the village gardener growing suspicious mushrooms in his unit.

1997-10-02

Ted's peaceful retirement is turned into chaos when his granddaughter, Terri, comes to stay and Johnno's "gardening video" turns out to be a porno movie.

1997-10-09

Ted is at odds with the rest of the village when he refuses to move Neville, his much loved concrete garden Aborigine, during the annual village garden festival.

1997-10-16

Joan Collins has erotic plans for Ted, but when Darcy's secret crop of "special herbs" are accidentally mixed into Ted's biscuits, the village line dancing team creates an amazing spectacle at the competition finals.

1997-10-23

When the airport flight paths are re-routed over Whispering Pines retirement village, Ted and Johnno fight back with their pigeons.

1997-10-30

Ted and Johnno embark on a scheme to win free food and money when they sign up with a new weight loss program and Joan demonstrates the amazing erotic power of a woman to Terri.

1997-11-06

Samantha turns to Joan for expert advice when her boyfriend is unable to "perform". Meanwhile Ted's life is destroyed when, surrounded by bills and no money in the bank, he must sell his most valuable asset - the Kingswood.

1997-11-13

Samantha's plans to impress the chairman are thrown into chaos when Ted and Johnno's arguments about who makes the best pickled onions erupt into very explosive warfare.

1997-11-20

The residents are fascinated when Joan starts writing a sex advice column for the aged. Ted's battle with Madge Burrows's cat escalates and everyone must have flu shots from a very strange doctor.

1997-11-27

The village is shocked when Samantha negotiates the sale of the doomed Villa 39 to Australia's great sports legend, Dawn Fraser. Joan consults her Tarot cards to predict the winner of the Melbourne Cup.

1997-12-04

Excitement grips the village when a resident dies and leaves them a racehorse. Meanwhile Ted's life is ruined by the surprise arrival of his hated brother, Bob and the sudden disappearance of his beloved Kingswood.

1997-12-11

Ted's battle with a nesting magpie escalates to war. Excitement grips the village when Samantha announces a famous celebrity will judge the annual craft show where Ted and Johnno vie for the best home brew trophy.

1997-12-18

When Ted's and Joan's pills get mixed up they both go through amazing personality changes. And the annual village holiday trip is ruined when Ted negotiates a special discount airline deal.