James Caulfield

Straight out of Jersey comes Patricia Dombrowski, a.k.a. Killa P, a.k.a. Patti Cake$, an aspiring rapper fighting through a world of strip malls and strip clubs on an unlikely quest for glory.

A recently orphaned heiress meets a young racing yacht captain on Long Island. He shows interest in her and, being heiress to $200,000,000, love may not be the reason.

The journalists at the Onion News Network will do anything to stay at the top of their game. And if they can't find a great story, they'll create one.