Fergus McLarnon

Henry Wilt is a more or less failed teacher who fantasizes about murdering his dominant, non-attentive wife Eva. At a party who gets stuck in an inflatable doll and makes a complete fool of himself. Eventually, he dumps the doll in a hole at a building site. However, he has been witnessed getting rid of the doll and when his wife disappears on the night after the party, the police and Inspector Flint have strong suspicions on Mr Wilt.

Roy Brush has aspirations to be a great footballer and this seems likely when he scores for England in the European Cup Final. To add to this he becomes a national hero, having seemingly saved a young lad from drowning. But Roy has a secret - he is gay - and the editor of the scurrilous 'Scum' tabloid is making it his business to out him. However, with the help of his manager, Roy can triumph at an inspirational climactic football match, where his tears touch the heart of the nation - and pundit Jimmy Twizzle gets very high on mushroom tea.

Kaisa is a Scot, a successful London lawyer, who snorts coke and has one-night stands with strangers. Her mother calls from Aberdeen with some story begging her to fly to Norway and collect her alcoholic dad whom she hasn't seen in years.