Bill Gerard

After the mobster who murdered his partner is acquitted, semicorrupt detective Robert Bryant hires a beautiful female assassin, Maria, to kill him. When he discovers that he cannot afford Maria's services, Bryant is forced to hire another assassin, Madison, to kill her. Maria survives the doublecross and sets out to collect what's owed to her, one way or another.

Gerry and Sewell are broke. Gerry's still at school and Sewell is unemployed. They both wish for better things in life. Owning two season tickets to their beloved football club is their biggest dream of all. The tickets cost £1000 - they're £1000 short. But they are nothing if not resourceful, and they set themselves a mission to raise the cash. While they think up increasingly outlandish money making schemes - from selling junk to shoplifting and the odd bit of housebreaking - real life begins to interfere with the pair's final scam going hilariously awry landing them in jail, only to discover that their punishment gets them exactly where they want to be!