Bert Bernard

Two sailors (Robert Hutton) mail love letters from a remote weather station, enclosing photos of their chief (Cathy Downs).

Italian poet Boccaccio (Louis Jourdan) hides in the court of Fiammetta (Joan Fontaine) and tells three tales of love and lust.

Bert and George Bernard, two American comedians, are asked by a solicitor to trace a rich heiress whose initials are tattooed on one of her thighs. All they know about her is that she is a chorus girl. This fact particularly suits Bert who is a fan of shows with light-footed and lightly dressed girls. Combining business with pleasure, the two men wind up finding the rare bird.

Two very different men of the same name from the same village cross blades. But it will be the small and waking one that draws the longest straw.