You Say Maria! I Say Mariah!

Venerable newscaster Norm Archer reports the latest news in politics, health, culture and entertainment - such as an automotive recall of decapitation-inducing "Neckbelts" and a study finding that "depression hits losers hardest". This compilation of bogus news stories, celebrity profiles, movie trailers and skits come courtesy of the ace satirists at The Onion.

For a long time, Natalie, an Australian architect living in New York City, had always believed that what she had seen in rom-coms is all fantasy. But after thwarting a mugger at a subway station only to be knocked out while fleeing, Natalie wakes up and discovers that her life has suddenly become her worst nightmare—a romantic comedy—and she is the leading lady.

Andy is your typical All-American eighteen-year-old gay virgin. Like everyone else, he's dying to have sex. Totally out of the closet and mad-crazy horny, this naïve high school senior is caught in that awkward vortex between child and adult. Much to the dismay of his mom (who wonders why all her carrots and cucumbers keep disappearing), Andy spends much of his private time practicing for the big moment when he'll finally take the plunge.

After it's discovered that a teacher at South Park Elementary has an OnlyFans page, Randy is compelled to take a closer look at the seedy underbelly of the world of online influencers.

When students in their high school begin inexplicably exploding (literally), seniors Mara and Dylan struggle to survive in a world where each moment may be their last.

Alex Truelove is on a quest to lose his virginity, an event eagerly awaited by his patient girlfriend and cheered on with welcome advice by his rowdy friends. But Alex, a super gregarious dude, is oddly unmotivated. A magical house party throws Alex into the presence of Elliot, a hunky college guy, who pegs Alex as gay and flirts hard. Alex is taken aback but after a series of setbacks on the girlfriend front he takes the plunge and learns some interesting new facts about himself.

In late-90s suburbia, a lonely teenager meets a girl at school who introduces him to a mysterious late-night T.V. show — a vision of a supernatural world pulsing beneath their own. As time goes on, however, questions begin to arise about why the show sometimes seems more real than their own lives. In the pale glow of the television, their view of reality begins to crack.

When a group of naive teens working at a movie theater in a small Christian town discover a mysterious film hidden in its basement, they unleash an alluring succubus who gives them a sex education…written in blood.

Centered on a television station which features a 1950s-style sci-fi movie interspersed with a series of wild commercials, wacky shorts and weird specials, this lampoon of contemporary life and pop culture skewers some of the silliest spectacles ever created in the name of entertainment.

After killing her husband, Peggy Gravel and her murderous maid Grizelda wind up in the crazy town of Mortville, where Queen Carlotta presides over a sleazy collection of misfits.

Sean is taken to a motel and is given a prostitute for his 18th birthday by his father. He must sleep with her to "fix" his questionable homosexuality. "Pretty Boy" is a coming of age story of a young bullied teen, Sean, struggling with his sexuality and the hardships of high school. After his father finds some questionable magazines in his room, this devout Christian will go to any lengths to get his son to find the light and "perform" the way a man should. Sean is introduced to Katie, a prostitute that understands the stigmas of modern society and helps him see the true light that is within him.

Cartman's deeply disturbing dreams portend the end of the life he knows and loves. Meanwhile, the adults in South Park are wrestling with their own life decisions, as the advent of AI is turning their world upside down.