This Isn't Twilight: The XXX Parody

When a group of naive teens working at a movie theater in a small Christian town discover a mysterious film hidden in its basement, they unleash an alluring succubus who gives them a sex education…written in blood.

When a lawyer shows up at the vampire's doorstep, he falls prey to his charms and joins him in his search for fresh blood. Enter Professor Van Helsing, who may be the only one able to vanquish the Count.

The Cavalcade of Perversion, a traveling freak show, acts as a front for Divine, who is out for blood after discovering her lover's affair.

Dave, an artist who has yet to complete anything significant in his career, builds a fort in his living room out of pure frustration, only to wind up trapped by the fantastical pitfalls, booby traps, and critters of his own creation. Ignoring his warnings, Dave’s girlfriend Annie leads a band of oddball explorers on a rescue mission. Once inside, they find themselves trapped in an ever-changing supernatural world, threatened by booby traps and pursued by a bloodthirsty Minotaur.

Vampires have just made themselves public! Now a group of documentarians have been granted access to spend some time with them and learn how they live and coexist with humans. But as reality sets in, the crew realize they are in for far more than they bargained for.

Two employees at a medical supply warehouse accidentally release a toxic gas from a misplaced top-secret U.S. Army shipment, causing the dead to rise from a nearby cemetery with an insatiable hunger for human brains.

Tony, a thirteen-year-old boy on vacation in rural Germany, is fascinated by the idea of vampires. Meanwhile Rudolph, a vampire of "similar" age (313!), encounters trouble when his clan is threatened by a dangerously obsessed hunter. Fate brings these two boys together, as Tony & Rudolph set off an action-packed battle to stop the villain, save Rudolph's family and learn the power of friendship.

Sam is a teenage royal rebel, second in line to the throne of the kingdom of Illyria. Just as her disinterest in the royal way of life is at an all-time high, she discovers she has super-human abilities and is invited to join a secret society of similar extraordinary second-born royals charged with keeping the world safe.

Geeky 14-year old Ethan is left to babysit his younger sister, Jane, with his best friend Benny but after Ethan inadvertently puts Jane in harm's way, his parents hire a professional babysitter, the beautiful yet mysterious 17-year-old Sarah who, unbeknownst to them, is actually a fledgling vampire.

Madeline is married to Ernest, who was once her arch-rival Helen's fiancé. After recovering from a mental breakdown, Helen vows to kill Madeline and steal back Ernest. Unfortunately for everyone, the introduction of a magic potion causes things to be a great deal more complicated than a mere murder plot.

Reclusive vampires lounge in a lonely American town. They wear sunscreen to protect themselves. A descendant of Van Helsing arrives with hilarious consequences.

Private eye Rafe Guttman is hired by repressed, born-again Katherine to find her missing bad-boy brother. The trail leads him to a whorehouse run by a thousand-year-old vampire and secretly backed by Katherine's boss, televangelist Jimmy Current.